Retirement Dinner Speeches

Thank you for visiting RetirementDinnerSpeeches.com. We've just acquired this domain and are looking forward to putting together a great resource site to help you give the best retirement speech possible.

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From great stories, motivational quotes, storytelling tricks and sample speeches, we hope to have a plethora of resources that will help your craft your own personalized presentation. While some may only need a few pointers, and others might need a crash course, we'll be trying to gather all the best tips and guides and list them here to help you out.

If you know of any great resources that you think should be listed here, send us an email and we'll get it listed. Thanks!

Classic Funny Retirement Jokes

'The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does.' Anonymous
He attacked everything in life with a mix of extraordinary genius and naive incompetence, and it was often difficult to tell which was which. Douglas Adams
'I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.' Charles Lamb.
'When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch.' R C Sherriff.
'Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.' Will Rogers, Autobiography, 1949.
'When one door closes, another one opens, but we often look so long and regretfully at the closed door that we fail to see the one that has opened for us.' Alexander Graham Bell.
'Forever, and forever, farewell, Cassius! If we do meet again, why, we shall smile; If not, why then this parting was well made.' William Shakespeare.
'Few men of action have been able to make a graceful exit at the appropriate time.' Malcolm Muggeridge
'There's one thing I always wanted to do before I quit...retire!' Groucho Marx